I knew that the wrapping paper existed. I had seen it with my own two eyes. Plentiful rolls of seasonally appropriate paper waiting patiently somewhere in my house to assist in a gifting surprise. Despite this knowledge and a relentless search, the rascally wrapping was still not in my grasp. Finally, at my wits end, I broke down and committed a sin against masculinity: I asked for directions.
Bunny, do we have any wrapping paper?
Yes, obviously, we have tons, she replied, as if it was prominently displayed somewhere special–like in front of the tv.
Any idea where this secret stash might reside?
It’s in the closet in the garage, she said.
I was hoping she would come up with a place that I hadn’t already checked. Twice.
Back in the garage with the with the closet doors swung wide, I stared at the smorgasbord of odds and ends stuffed onto the shelves and saw nothing even vaguely resembling wrapping paper. An unstrung lacrosse stick, rarely swung golf clubs, POC downhill bicycle helmet, a croquet set and, strangely, 3 cans of Swanson Natural Goodness Chicken Broth were all present and accounted for but there was certainly no wrapping paper.
I stayed and stared. As if more things would appear if I gave them more time. I knew full well that it was futile, like standing in the warm glow of an empty refrigerator waiting for snacks to materialize. Defeated, I went back upstairs in hopes of securing a better idea of where this paper actually was.
Um, how sure are you about the suspected whereabouts of this paper, I asked knowing that even the smartest minds at the CIA had only been sixty to ninety percent certain that UBL was the man pacing the compound in Abbottobad.
One. Hundred. Percent. She said in her best CIA analyst tone. It’s in a blue bag with handles on the shelf.
Back in the garage I investigated the blue bag with handles that had previously registered as a croquet set. I opened expecting a red ball with white stripes to bounce across the floor. Instead, a spool of silver ribbon fell out. Inconceivable, I thought, the wrapping paper has its own wrapping. I know that lots of things require carrying cases, I was just not aware that wrapping paper was on that list. I headed back into the house to wrap my presents dumbfounded by the knowledge that not only do wrapping paper carrying cases exist, I was the proud co-owner of one! Now you know.
The moral of this story? I want a croquet set…
